I'm sorry, I lied to you. This post is about a week late. Not that it really matters. It's more like I lied to myself. Because after all, that's all this blog really is. A place for me to vent and whinge and sort out my own thoughts. Whether or not anyone reads it or cares, isn't really a major concern of mine. Of course, by the slim chance that there actually are people that read my posts, then I'm truly grateful, thank you very much~
So I'll be honest, this is just a bordom post. I'm having Sims 3 issues, no surprises there, and long story short I have uninstalled and am now in the process of reinstalling my games. So now I get to play the waiting game. I've only just finished reinstalling the base game. Man, all I wanted to do today was listen to music at a volume that would piss off the neighbors and play Sims. Well, at least I can manage one of the two... I really love being home alone, because it means I can play my own music, as loud as I like, and sing along to it, as terribly as I like. I don't like to play my music too loudly when my family are around, because while I know that they don't have problem with it, they don't particularly like it either. I don't want to force people to listen to music they don't like, so usually I listen to music through my headphones or in my room with the door closed. I just wish they did the same thing for me. I don't like my parents' or my brothers' music, but that doesn't seem to stop them from blasting it while i'm trying to watch TV, or playing it in the car. I'm always pushing my volume limit because of them (I don't like to listen to music through headphones on my iPod louder than half-way with the volume, call me paranoid, but I like actually being able to hear things). Anyway, I think everyone is going to be home soon, so I'm making the most of this now. Ah, speak of the devil, guess who just walked through the door. Time to relocate...
Okay, anyway. It's unusual for me to say this, but the reason that I haven't been posting is because I've actually been pretty busy these last couple of weeks. Well, comparatively speaking. On the 22nd I went to my last day of casual work at my mums work, and then that evening we went up North for the weekend, with my homestay student. Then it was Christmas eve and I was running around frantically trying to sort out presents and all that. Then of course was Christmas day. I know right, Christmas just snuck up on us this year or something, like wtf. And then it was all over, just as quickly as it appeared. The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day here, and it's a day when pretty much every store has some kind of sale, and the entire nation goes shopping. It's fucking awful and I highly suggest that if you are ever in New Zealand on the 26th of December that you avoid malls at all costs. This day also happened to be my students birthday, and last full day in NZ, after being here for two years, and living with my family for almost a year. So went out in the morning and surprised her with cake and presents, and then in the afternoon we took a spontaneous trip to Rainbow's End, "New Zealand's Premier theme park"~ Meaning, our ONLY theme park. And it kind of really sucks. It was raining on and off that day, but it was still super fun. I can't think of a better way to have spent the day. It was really empty, because of Boxing Day most people were out shopping, so we never had to queue for anything. I stayed up that night with my student, as we were leaving for the airport at 5.30 am the next morning, and neither of us wanted to sleep. We just hung out and listened to music together for the last time, and watched Adventure Time. Then at around 3am it started to hit home that she was really leaving, and by the time we were all in the car at 5.30, we were a bawling mess. We met up with her sister and her homestay family at the airport, ate breakfast together, and then we had to say goodbye. I can honestly say that I have NEVER cried so much in my life as much as I did that day. Hugging them and saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Because she wasn't just an exchange student, she was one of my best friends, a part of my family. They both are still. Coming home without her felt so wrong. It still feels weird not having her around, even though it's been a week since she left. I just crawled into bed and cried until I fell asleep. I don't really know what else happened that day. I feel so lonely without her, and the only thought that is keeping me sane is that in a years time I'll be going to visit her in Japan. Well, that's the plan anyway. And I'm going to fight to make it happen. Anyway, the next day I really needed to get out of the house, so I just went some places with my mum. Random places, like a photo printing place and a furniture store. Anything to take my mind of it. Then it seems that the next couple of days were filled with furniture shopping. Seriously, I went furniture shopping for three days in a row. It was nuts. Then all of a sudden it was new years day, hello 2013 and all that. I never have understood the whole point of new years. Like, it's not really a big deal, so why turn it into one? It doesn't have any historical significance or anything, it's just an excuse for people to throw stupid parties and get hammered. I spent new years day at my Grandma's house, and I'm not usually one for talking about nice weather, but damn it was a beautiful day. And so that brings us to today, right now, writing this post. And I am so tired. Of everything. People in my family in particular, I just can't be fucked dealing with any of them to be honest. I've spent way too much time with them lately...
I actually shut myself in my room last night, not talking to anyone, and just sat listening to music and reading various yaoi (mostly of the smutty kind) for about five hours. Ehhh yaoi is so addicting and absorbing. It's hard to stop once you've started. I can't actually tell you the names of the series, because I read on Mangago, when I finish a series it comes up with a whole bunch of suggestions and I click on heaps and the cycle repeats and in the end I've forgotten what the first one I read was called. Plus, I read using Incognito mode on Chrome, so it's not saved to my history. Also, I'm not particularly bothered to remember the names. Most of the series I read are just one-shots or really short, so it's not worth remembering them, as I'll probably never reread them. If it's a series that I really like, that actually has some depth and isn't pure one-shot smut, then I'll take a note of it down somewhere. Not that I have anything against smut. I love smut. It's just unlikely that I'll read a one-shot again, you know? I could read Finder and Koisuru Boukun over and over again though. Well, the chapters that have been released so far, anyway. Speaking of released chapters, WTF WAS UP WITH THE LATEST CHAPTER OF FINDER?! We waited that long for a fucking 15-page story with no actual fucking? I was pissed. But then, I love the series and Yamane's work, so a slow, small chapter is better than no chapter.
And that's all I have to say. For now. I guess. Next post will probably just be a photo spam of what I did in the last month of 2012. Yaaaaay~
Now Playing - CIRCUS by ギルド (GUILD)
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Boiling Point
I'm feeling kind of down about myself at the moment. I feel like I'm always going to be this plain, boring nobody. Everyone on the internet is so good at fashion and then I'm just here like umm I have this sweater which is kind of cool and sometimes my eyeliner turns out semi-okay. Or they're really great at crafting and making things, or art or music. Or all of the above. Ahh, I dunno. I'm being an idiot. It's probably because I was blog-hoping on Tumblr, and there are so many beautiful, fashionable and creative people on there. I just wish that I could be one of them. I wish that there was something about me that was special. But I came to accept a long time ago now that I'm average, and that I'll probably just be average for the rest of my life. Honestly, my fashion choices aren't entirely my own. I just copy everyone else's ideas, follow whatever the people who I think are cool are doing, and even then I don't do a very good job of it and end up looking like a twat. It's not that I don't actually want to wear the things that such people do, because I honestly do and I would love to be able to pull it off, but I just don't have the means. That, or my outfits are half-baked. They always end up being just really average, even though I try really hard to make them nice. But in the end, it's not entirely my own personal style. I don't like that. I want to be able to come up with things that are unique, things that are special to me. I try, but like I said, I don't have the means. I can't just go and buy whatever I want, and I definitely can't make it myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my clothes and I love to wear them, but still... I can't seem to shake this feeling. I seem to like to tell myself that eventually, if I buy a whole bunch of clothes and things that are cool, then I'll be fine. I don't have a job, and finding a part-time job as a teenager in my country isn't exactly easy, and I'm really lousy at anything to do with crafts. I hate that I have to mooch off my parents for everything, but I don't have any other option. I've applied for jobs before, yes, but I never got any of them. I recently sent in an application to a store called The Warehouse, which is essentially my country's equivalent of Walmart. That's how desperate I'm getting. I hate the feeling that I haven't truly earned anything I own, that it was my parents hard work that put all my clothes in my closet. And to be honest, writing all this doesn't help at all. It just makes me feel even more shit. I'm such a lousy person. All I ever do is complain. There are so many people who have it much worse than me, yet I'm daring to sit here and whine about pointless shit. So what if I don't always like myself. It's probably just teenage insecurities. I'm happy enough, for the most part, right? I have a great life, with wonderful family and a nice home and I'm getting a good education. So why the fuck do I think it's ok to not like myself? It's not even that big of a deal. When you get right down to it, all it is, is me looking in the mirror and going, wow you're ugly inside and out huh you try so hard to be cool but none of your ideas are your own you hypocrite, and walking away. Most of the time, I just ignore the feeling, I accept it, and I move on. That's what irritates me the most. I'm so lucky, yet I still find something to be unhappy like this about, for no good reason. I feel like such a pathetic douchebag right now. I feel so crap, I wasn't even going to post this, but then I remembered... Hey, who gives a fuck, it's not like anyone reads your shit anyway.
I'm sorry. Really. That escalated quickly. I didn't intend for it to end up quite so... well, you know. But, I've always made a point my policy when it comes to blogging - backspace doesn't exist unless for grammatical errors. Whatever I type, stays. Because it's my blog. My feelings. My rants, and my rambles. It's just really late where I live right now, and I've been running on six hours of sleep for the past eighteen hours. I tend to get more angry with myself when I get tired. I'm not usually like this. I mean, I've always been a very self conscious person, but I'm actually pretty ok with it usually. It's just times like this when my brain stops working the way it should. But I guess, if I was able to spill my guts and write that much, then I really needed to write it down. It's like, I had been keeping all these thoughts shut away. I didn't want to acknowledge them, I didn't want to accept them. Like I said, feeling this way makes me feel bad. I'm so grateful for everything in my life, and so I feel like I don't deserve to be upset about something as small as my fashion choices or appearance. That's all. So I try to push the feelings away. I suppose that's not the most healthy thing to do though. Because it leads to these weird little outbursts of anger. That's what a blog is supposed to be for right? Getting all your feelings down. Lifting weight of peoples' shoulders. So from now on, I'm not going to keep my feelings shut away inside until I reach my boiling point. I'm going to do my best to let it out in a calm and constructive way, through this blog. My blog. And actually, I do feel a lot better now. I know the feelings will come back every now and again, they always do, but I'm going to try and handle them better.
Ugh, another thing I don't like about these weird outbursts is that I'm not able to say properly what it is I want to say. I don't think before I type, I just type whatever. Sometimes, it's okay, but in some cases I feel that what I've written can be easily misunderstood or misinterpreted. But then, I can't actually think of how else to say it. So I'll leave it. And it doesn't flow very well at all! Usually I try to give my posts a nice flow, from one point to the next. Boooo.
Ahh, I feel like my usual self now, so I'm thankful. Glad I was able to get this off my chest. But I'm also feeling really fucking tired. So it think it's about time I got to bed. I know I said in my last post that my next post would be in a couple of days, but I clearly needed to get this off my chest now. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep. So, if you're interested, please still expect a more normal post from me in a couple of days!
I'm listening to my sleepy/calm music playlist right now huhuhu~
NP - Hirogaru Sekai by Golden Bomber
I'm sorry. Really. That escalated quickly. I didn't intend for it to end up quite so... well, you know. But, I've always made a point my policy when it comes to blogging - backspace doesn't exist unless for grammatical errors. Whatever I type, stays. Because it's my blog. My feelings. My rants, and my rambles. It's just really late where I live right now, and I've been running on six hours of sleep for the past eighteen hours. I tend to get more angry with myself when I get tired. I'm not usually like this. I mean, I've always been a very self conscious person, but I'm actually pretty ok with it usually. It's just times like this when my brain stops working the way it should. But I guess, if I was able to spill my guts and write that much, then I really needed to write it down. It's like, I had been keeping all these thoughts shut away. I didn't want to acknowledge them, I didn't want to accept them. Like I said, feeling this way makes me feel bad. I'm so grateful for everything in my life, and so I feel like I don't deserve to be upset about something as small as my fashion choices or appearance. That's all. So I try to push the feelings away. I suppose that's not the most healthy thing to do though. Because it leads to these weird little outbursts of anger. That's what a blog is supposed to be for right? Getting all your feelings down. Lifting weight of peoples' shoulders. So from now on, I'm not going to keep my feelings shut away inside until I reach my boiling point. I'm going to do my best to let it out in a calm and constructive way, through this blog. My blog. And actually, I do feel a lot better now. I know the feelings will come back every now and again, they always do, but I'm going to try and handle them better.
Ugh, another thing I don't like about these weird outbursts is that I'm not able to say properly what it is I want to say. I don't think before I type, I just type whatever. Sometimes, it's okay, but in some cases I feel that what I've written can be easily misunderstood or misinterpreted. But then, I can't actually think of how else to say it. So I'll leave it. And it doesn't flow very well at all! Usually I try to give my posts a nice flow, from one point to the next. Boooo.
Ahh, I feel like my usual self now, so I'm thankful. Glad I was able to get this off my chest. But I'm also feeling really fucking tired. So it think it's about time I got to bed. I know I said in my last post that my next post would be in a couple of days, but I clearly needed to get this off my chest now. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep. So, if you're interested, please still expect a more normal post from me in a couple of days!
I'm listening to my sleepy/calm music playlist right now huhuhu~
NP - Hirogaru Sekai by Golden Bomber
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
We Will Always Be THE KIDDIE~!
Man, I fucking love THE KIDDIE. I've suddenly started having uber fangirl feelings towards them. Don't get me wrong, I've loved them for a long time now, and their music never fails to bring a smile to my face. But recently, I've started paying a lot more attention to them and loving them even more. I think one of the things I love the most about them, after their wonderful music of course, is their amazing friendship. Seriously, it's so beautiful and genuine to me. Obviously, there's no way I could possibly know if that's actually true. But if you just look at their photos, especially recently, it really looks like they love hanging out together and they genuinely are like best friends, or even brothers. It just seems so natural. Their friendship is so strong and effortless, I think it communicates with the fans in a way, it reaches us. And it makes me feel so happy and secure. I love seeing photos of them having fun, being dorks, doing whatever. Because they do it together. And I just think it's really beautiful. Honestly, it gives me an even deeper appreciation for their music. I believe that they truly love making music together, and that makes listening to it even more enjoyable and special. I really feel that they're going to be together for a long time, and they will always be THE KIDDIE!
You know, I feel that when it comes to Jrock, you just can't win with some fans. I don't really know what the best way to explain it is... So I'll do it this way. Imagine there is a band that you've heard a bit about, maybe listened to a song or two of theirs, or watched a PV on YouTube. You do like what you have heard, but you feel that you just haven't really listened to them all that much. At least, not enough to say if you really like them or actually aren't so keen on them. So you don't really know how to answer when someone asks, do you like them? I feel like in this situation, I would feel very uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to say yes, because like I said, you haven't listened to them enough to decide if I do like them, and if you do say yes but then don't know things like the names of the members, what their latest singles are etc, the fan will get all batshit crazy and bring out the "You're not a real fan" crap. But then if you say no, then the fan will still go batshit crazy on you and accuse you of all sorts of unfair things and claim you have no soul and wouldn't know good music if it punched you in the face. So all you're left with is to tell them that you don't know, because you haven't really listened to them, or haven't listened to them at all. And then again, the fan gets batshit crazy, and is all, how can you not know this band oh my glob and you call yourself a visual/Jrock fan?!
Now, I've never been in this situation, and I've never seen it play out exactly like this, but I have seen aspects of it around. And it makes me worried. I'm just going to put it out there, I had a couple of specific bands in mind when writing that. And I'm probably going to get totally bricked for this, but they are the GazettE, and Dir En Grey //hides. There are actually many others, but these two seem to stick out the most. I feel so much pressure that these should be bands that I am totally familiar with their musical history, and I should love both of them. But in all honesty, I haven't given either much of a listen. In fact, I've never listened to Dir En Grey. I've only ever heard a couple of songs of the GazettE, too. This is where people misunderstand. Just because I say that I don't 'like' these bands, doesn't mean that I hate them or doubt their talent. I just haven't listened to them much. That's all. I'm sure they are really great, but they just don't appeal to me right now. Is that ok? It seems like when you tell someone that you don't like Dir En Grey, you get bricked, and when you say you haven't listened to them, shit just hits the fan... haa, see what I did there? Anyway. That's pretty much the best I can do with trying to get my thoughts on it down. I know it's probably not very clear, and I've probably just dug myself into a giant hole. More like a black abyss. But I've just been thinking about this a lot lately, and I had to try and get it down.
More sort of on the same subject, sometimes the reason why I never really get into some bands, particularly older bands, is because they just have too much music. A band that has been around for ten years now, has something like 23 full albums, 12 mini albums and 64 singles (please not the exaggeration). I mean, of course, if I REALLY love their music, then I will take the time to go through and listen to as much as I can, but if I just like the music, you know, like think that is's 'okay', then I won't bother too much. Therefore, for such bands, while I may like the music of theirs that I've heard, I don't feel right calling myself a fan of said band. Shit, Misa... just keep digging that hole of yours... you aren't going to be able to climb out so easily. Hahaaaa... I guess I also just like to support the newer bands who don't get much appreciation. Or something like that. I'll stop now. XD
Just going back to THE KIDDIE for two seconds, I feel the need to mention that I have also recently started shipping members. I FEEL AWFUL FOR DOING IT. But I can't stop it now! I never thought I'd ship them... they're so innocent! Damn my dirty mind. If you're curious, I ship Yuudai with Jun, and Yusa with Sorao. Poor Yuusei. I just don't see him with any of the members, right?
Wow, very music-related post today, huh. On a not music related note, my cat is sitting on my leg and now my leg has gone dead. I can't feel my foot. I think I should go for a little walk now.
You know, I feel that when it comes to Jrock, you just can't win with some fans. I don't really know what the best way to explain it is... So I'll do it this way. Imagine there is a band that you've heard a bit about, maybe listened to a song or two of theirs, or watched a PV on YouTube. You do like what you have heard, but you feel that you just haven't really listened to them all that much. At least, not enough to say if you really like them or actually aren't so keen on them. So you don't really know how to answer when someone asks, do you like them? I feel like in this situation, I would feel very uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to say yes, because like I said, you haven't listened to them enough to decide if I do like them, and if you do say yes but then don't know things like the names of the members, what their latest singles are etc, the fan will get all batshit crazy and bring out the "You're not a real fan" crap. But then if you say no, then the fan will still go batshit crazy on you and accuse you of all sorts of unfair things and claim you have no soul and wouldn't know good music if it punched you in the face. So all you're left with is to tell them that you don't know, because you haven't really listened to them, or haven't listened to them at all. And then again, the fan gets batshit crazy, and is all, how can you not know this band oh my glob and you call yourself a visual/Jrock fan?!
Now, I've never been in this situation, and I've never seen it play out exactly like this, but I have seen aspects of it around. And it makes me worried. I'm just going to put it out there, I had a couple of specific bands in mind when writing that. And I'm probably going to get totally bricked for this, but they are the GazettE, and Dir En Grey //hides. There are actually many others, but these two seem to stick out the most. I feel so much pressure that these should be bands that I am totally familiar with their musical history, and I should love both of them. But in all honesty, I haven't given either much of a listen. In fact, I've never listened to Dir En Grey. I've only ever heard a couple of songs of the GazettE, too. This is where people misunderstand. Just because I say that I don't 'like' these bands, doesn't mean that I hate them or doubt their talent. I just haven't listened to them much. That's all. I'm sure they are really great, but they just don't appeal to me right now. Is that ok? It seems like when you tell someone that you don't like Dir En Grey, you get bricked, and when you say you haven't listened to them, shit just hits the fan... haa, see what I did there? Anyway. That's pretty much the best I can do with trying to get my thoughts on it down. I know it's probably not very clear, and I've probably just dug myself into a giant hole. More like a black abyss. But I've just been thinking about this a lot lately, and I had to try and get it down.
More sort of on the same subject, sometimes the reason why I never really get into some bands, particularly older bands, is because they just have too much music. A band that has been around for ten years now, has something like 23 full albums, 12 mini albums and 64 singles (please not the exaggeration). I mean, of course, if I REALLY love their music, then I will take the time to go through and listen to as much as I can, but if I just like the music, you know, like think that is's 'okay', then I won't bother too much. Therefore, for such bands, while I may like the music of theirs that I've heard, I don't feel right calling myself a fan of said band. Shit, Misa... just keep digging that hole of yours... you aren't going to be able to climb out so easily. Hahaaaa... I guess I also just like to support the newer bands who don't get much appreciation. Or something like that. I'll stop now. XD
Just going back to THE KIDDIE for two seconds, I feel the need to mention that I have also recently started shipping members. I FEEL AWFUL FOR DOING IT. But I can't stop it now! I never thought I'd ship them... they're so innocent! Damn my dirty mind. If you're curious, I ship Yuudai with Jun, and Yusa with Sorao. Poor Yuusei. I just don't see him with any of the members, right?
Wow, very music-related post today, huh. On a not music related note, my cat is sitting on my leg and now my leg has gone dead. I can't feel my foot. I think I should go for a little walk now.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Mustache Cash Stash~!
Ooohhhhhhhh!
I love Regular Show. Not as much as Adventure Time. But it's still pretty fanfuckingtastic. Oh, Rigby just nipple pinched Mordecai. You know, if Mordecai actually had nipples, but he doesn't, because he's a bird.
You know what I really hate? Doing puzzles. That shit is stupid. Especially 1000 piece puzzles. NEVER AGAIN. I will not waste any more minutes of my life on puzzles. I know that you're supposed to feel a little challenged and then feel really pleased with yourself once you complete it, but I just felt frustrated and then exhausted. That's about five hours of my life that I'll never get back, and for what? To see the end result for like, a minute or two and then have to take it all apart and put it back in the box because it's taking up too much space on the table? No thank you, sir.
One of the books that I got out the other day, Library Wars, was so good! I'm really looking forward to reading more. Admittedly, it is super typically shoujo. But hey, what am I supposed to do. I'm a real shoujo junkie, and honestly, I love it. Oh, the other two were also good though! I'm so curious to find out who Riika ends up with. I feel like it will be Soshi, but then again, I think that would be too predictable. So I go back and fourth like, Oh it's totally going to be Soshi, wait no way it has to be Night~ I actually can't pick my favourite pairing right now. I guess it would have to be Riika and Night... Maybe. Oh well, I'll find out soon! Bakuman was pretty good. I'll be honest, it seems like it's going to be a little slow moving. But that might be good for me! Hopefully I'll finally have found a series that doesn't make me want to scream and cry and rip my hair out then curl up and slowly rock in the corner of my room. I mean, I do like all the feels that I get, but sometimes I get waaaay too involved in the story. I guess what I'm getting at here is that it may be more light reading for me. The art is wonderful, as expected of Takeshi Obata, and the story is pretty cute. So I also look forward to reading more of that. In other manga news, six of my requested books arrived at the library today! But I didn't feel like doing my hair and makeup and putting on real clothes today. Pajama party, all day erryday! I'll get them tomorrow.
Because if my painfully slow internet, I've been writing this post over the course of about four days. Sometimes I just couldn't be bothered waiting ten minutes for this page to load. I probably shouldn't have stopped writing though, because I'm in a considerably different mood than the mood I was in four days ago. I don't really know how to explain it, I've never been good at explaining how I'm feeling. It's like, when you go to the doctor and they ask you what you came to see them about, and you just look at your mother like, you explain. Actually, I guess it's not like that at all. Damn it, I don't even know what I'm saying. Basically, I just have been feeling really lonely. I don't actually think that 'lonely' is exactly the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it for now due to lack of a better word. I always knew that I don't really have that many friends, both real life and internet wise, but today I realised that outside of my home, there is only one person who I feel I can truly be myself around without worrying that I'll be judged. She makes up one of the only three people that I feel this way about. The other two live in the same house os me. And what's worse, two of the three people are leaving at the end of this year. They're exchange students from Japan, so they'll be going back home for good in December. I really don't know what I'll do when that happens. Also, I already knew this before, but damn, people change. I know change is an inevitable part of life and it's going to happen whether I like it or not, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. I don't deal with change very well, I guess... I really don't want to go back to school. I'm going to feel so isolated. There isn't a single person there who I feel I can trust enough to talk to them about anything and everything without being judged. I feel like I just have acquaintances. I wish I could make friends on the internet. You know, fellow fangirls and such. But I just don't know how. Maahhhhhhhhhh. I don't know. Hopefully I can sort out this feeling before Monday... or at least figure out how to be civil towards people without having to be social. I'm just sick of people right now.
In other news, I finally plucked up enough courage to get out a couple of yaoi manga from the library today! Eeeep, don't show my mother! She would have a heart attack if she saw what her sweet little daughter was reading... I got out two that I had already heard/seen a lot about, so it wouldn't be too shocking. I got The Tyrant Falls in Love by Hinako Takanaga, and Finder: Target in the Viewfinder by Ayano Yamane. Two series that I believe are quite popular (I could be wrong, I'm just a humble noob~!), and aren't too graphic but are still super sexy. I know, deep down in my soul I knew it all along, but reading them in actual book format just solidified the fact - I'm hooked. Addicted. It's all downhill from here. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I still feel a little unsure about being a yaoi fan, but I figured there was no point in trying to lie to myself anymore. I do feel like I'm looking at forbidden materials, like it's some kind of sin to be into this stuff... but I can't help it! I'm going to to my best to keep it a secret from everyone. Except my homestay student. She came with me to the library today, and she knows that I like BL (even though she says she isn't a fan, she has read a few slightly BL manga...). She doesn't judge me for it, and I'm so grateful. Although, she doesn't seem to know what exactly yaoi is, strangely enough, she is Japanese. So I haven't explained in great detail. I gave her a VERY vague description, a I'll let her learn the rest herself. I didn't want to have to explain it to her fully, because even though she is few months older than me, she's so cute and innocent! I didn't want to soil her purity... Oh, that could sound weird. I mean, I didn't want to be the one to educate her about... well... gay sex. Oh god, even I feel uncomfortable writing that! I'm going to be the worst yaoi fan ever...
I swear, if anyone I know in real life EVER reads this... I'm going to dig myself a hole and die of embarrassment...
I've actually been reading a lot more manga, mostly shoujo. I really want to talk about them, but this post is long enough as it is. Shit, man, this is turning into some kind of manga blog. I just don't really have much else going on in my life to write about, so manga it is! God I'm lame...
NP - Rasen by Crazy★shampoo
I love Regular Show. Not as much as Adventure Time. But it's still pretty fanfuckingtastic. Oh, Rigby just nipple pinched Mordecai. You know, if Mordecai actually had nipples, but he doesn't, because he's a bird.
You know what I really hate? Doing puzzles. That shit is stupid. Especially 1000 piece puzzles. NEVER AGAIN. I will not waste any more minutes of my life on puzzles. I know that you're supposed to feel a little challenged and then feel really pleased with yourself once you complete it, but I just felt frustrated and then exhausted. That's about five hours of my life that I'll never get back, and for what? To see the end result for like, a minute or two and then have to take it all apart and put it back in the box because it's taking up too much space on the table? No thank you, sir.
One of the books that I got out the other day, Library Wars, was so good! I'm really looking forward to reading more. Admittedly, it is super typically shoujo. But hey, what am I supposed to do. I'm a real shoujo junkie, and honestly, I love it. Oh, the other two were also good though! I'm so curious to find out who Riika ends up with. I feel like it will be Soshi, but then again, I think that would be too predictable. So I go back and fourth like, Oh it's totally going to be Soshi, wait no way it has to be Night~ I actually can't pick my favourite pairing right now. I guess it would have to be Riika and Night... Maybe. Oh well, I'll find out soon! Bakuman was pretty good. I'll be honest, it seems like it's going to be a little slow moving. But that might be good for me! Hopefully I'll finally have found a series that doesn't make me want to scream and cry and rip my hair out then curl up and slowly rock in the corner of my room. I mean, I do like all the feels that I get, but sometimes I get waaaay too involved in the story. I guess what I'm getting at here is that it may be more light reading for me. The art is wonderful, as expected of Takeshi Obata, and the story is pretty cute. So I also look forward to reading more of that. In other manga news, six of my requested books arrived at the library today! But I didn't feel like doing my hair and makeup and putting on real clothes today. Pajama party, all day erryday! I'll get them tomorrow.
Because if my painfully slow internet, I've been writing this post over the course of about four days. Sometimes I just couldn't be bothered waiting ten minutes for this page to load. I probably shouldn't have stopped writing though, because I'm in a considerably different mood than the mood I was in four days ago. I don't really know how to explain it, I've never been good at explaining how I'm feeling. It's like, when you go to the doctor and they ask you what you came to see them about, and you just look at your mother like, you explain. Actually, I guess it's not like that at all. Damn it, I don't even know what I'm saying. Basically, I just have been feeling really lonely. I don't actually think that 'lonely' is exactly the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it for now due to lack of a better word. I always knew that I don't really have that many friends, both real life and internet wise, but today I realised that outside of my home, there is only one person who I feel I can truly be myself around without worrying that I'll be judged. She makes up one of the only three people that I feel this way about. The other two live in the same house os me. And what's worse, two of the three people are leaving at the end of this year. They're exchange students from Japan, so they'll be going back home for good in December. I really don't know what I'll do when that happens. Also, I already knew this before, but damn, people change. I know change is an inevitable part of life and it's going to happen whether I like it or not, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. I don't deal with change very well, I guess... I really don't want to go back to school. I'm going to feel so isolated. There isn't a single person there who I feel I can trust enough to talk to them about anything and everything without being judged. I feel like I just have acquaintances. I wish I could make friends on the internet. You know, fellow fangirls and such. But I just don't know how. Maahhhhhhhhhh. I don't know. Hopefully I can sort out this feeling before Monday... or at least figure out how to be civil towards people without having to be social. I'm just sick of people right now.
In other news, I finally plucked up enough courage to get out a couple of yaoi manga from the library today! Eeeep, don't show my mother! She would have a heart attack if she saw what her sweet little daughter was reading... I got out two that I had already heard/seen a lot about, so it wouldn't be too shocking. I got The Tyrant Falls in Love by Hinako Takanaga, and Finder: Target in the Viewfinder by Ayano Yamane. Two series that I believe are quite popular (I could be wrong, I'm just a humble noob~!), and aren't too graphic but are still super sexy. I know, deep down in my soul I knew it all along, but reading them in actual book format just solidified the fact - I'm hooked. Addicted. It's all downhill from here. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I still feel a little unsure about being a yaoi fan, but I figured there was no point in trying to lie to myself anymore. I do feel like I'm looking at forbidden materials, like it's some kind of sin to be into this stuff... but I can't help it! I'm going to to my best to keep it a secret from everyone. Except my homestay student. She came with me to the library today, and she knows that I like BL (even though she says she isn't a fan, she has read a few slightly BL manga...). She doesn't judge me for it, and I'm so grateful. Although, she doesn't seem to know what exactly yaoi is, strangely enough, she is Japanese. So I haven't explained in great detail. I gave her a VERY vague description, a I'll let her learn the rest herself. I didn't want to have to explain it to her fully, because even though she is few months older than me, she's so cute and innocent! I didn't want to soil her purity... Oh, that could sound weird. I mean, I didn't want to be the one to educate her about... well... gay sex. Oh god, even I feel uncomfortable writing that! I'm going to be the worst yaoi fan ever...
I swear, if anyone I know in real life EVER reads this... I'm going to dig myself a hole and die of embarrassment...
I've actually been reading a lot more manga, mostly shoujo. I really want to talk about them, but this post is long enough as it is. Shit, man, this is turning into some kind of manga blog. I just don't really have much else going on in my life to write about, so manga it is! God I'm lame...
NP - Rasen by Crazy★shampoo
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