I Lied~

I'm sorry, I lied to you. This post is about a week late. Not that it really matters. It's more like I lied to myself. Because after all, that's all this blog really is. A place for me to vent and whinge and sort out my own thoughts. Whether or not anyone reads it or cares, isn't really a major concern of mine. Of course, by the slim chance that there actually are people that read my posts, then I'm truly grateful, thank you very much~

So I'll be honest, this is just a bordom post. I'm having Sims 3 issues, no surprises there, and long story short I have uninstalled and am now in the process of reinstalling my games. So now I get to play the waiting game. I've only just finished reinstalling the base game. Man, all I wanted to do today was listen to music at a volume that would piss off the neighbors and play Sims. Well, at least I can manage one of the two... I really love being home alone, because it means I can play my own music, as loud as I like, and sing along to it, as terribly as I like. I don't like to play my music too loudly when my family are around, because while I know that they don't have problem with it, they don't particularly like it either. I don't want to force people to listen to music they don't like, so usually I listen to music through my headphones or in my room with the door closed. I just wish they did the same thing for me. I don't like my parents' or my brothers' music, but that doesn't seem to stop them from blasting it while i'm trying to watch TV, or playing it in the car. I'm always pushing my volume limit because of them (I don't like to listen to music through headphones on my iPod louder than half-way with the volume, call me paranoid, but I like actually being able to hear things). Anyway, I think everyone is going to be home soon, so I'm making the most of this now. Ah, speak of the devil, guess who just walked through the door. Time to relocate...

Okay, anyway. It's unusual for me to say this, but the reason that I haven't been posting is because I've actually been pretty busy these last couple of weeks. Well, comparatively speaking. On the 22nd I went to my last day of casual work at my mums work, and then that evening we went up North for the weekend, with my homestay student. Then it was Christmas eve and I was running around frantically trying to sort out presents and all that. Then of course was Christmas day. I know right, Christmas just snuck up on us this year or something, like wtf. And then it was all over, just as quickly as it appeared. The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day here, and it's a day when pretty much every store has some kind of sale, and the entire nation goes shopping. It's fucking awful and I highly suggest that if you are ever in New Zealand on the 26th of December that you avoid malls at all costs. This day also happened to be my students birthday, and last full day in NZ, after being here for two years, and living with my family for almost a year. So went out in the morning and surprised her with cake and presents, and then in the afternoon we took a spontaneous trip to Rainbow's End, "New Zealand's Premier theme park"~ Meaning, our ONLY theme park. And it kind of really sucks. It was raining on and off that day, but it was still super fun. I can't think of a better way to have spent the day. It was really empty, because of Boxing Day most people were out shopping, so we never had to queue for anything. I stayed up that night with my student, as we were leaving for the airport at 5.30 am the next morning, and neither of us wanted to sleep. We just hung out and listened to music together for the last time, and watched Adventure Time. Then at around 3am it started to hit home that she was really leaving, and by the time we were all in the car at 5.30, we were a bawling mess. We met up with her sister and her homestay family at the airport, ate breakfast together, and then we had to say goodbye. I can honestly say that I have NEVER cried so much in my life as much as I did that day. Hugging them and saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Because she wasn't just an exchange student, she was one of my best friends, a part of my family. They both are still. Coming home without her felt so wrong. It still feels weird not having her around, even though it's been a week since she left. I just crawled into bed and cried until I fell asleep. I don't really know what else happened that day. I feel so lonely without her, and the only thought that is keeping me sane is that in a years time I'll be going to visit her in Japan. Well, that's the plan anyway. And I'm going to fight to make it happen. Anyway, the next day I really needed to get out of the house, so I just went some places with my mum. Random places, like a photo printing place and a furniture store. Anything to take my mind of it. Then it seems that the next couple of days were filled with furniture shopping. Seriously, I went furniture shopping for three days in a row. It was nuts. Then all of a sudden it was new years day, hello 2013 and all that. I never have understood the whole point of new years. Like, it's not really a big deal, so why turn it into one? It doesn't have any historical significance or anything, it's just an excuse for people to throw stupid parties and get hammered. I spent new years day at my Grandma's house, and I'm not usually one for talking about nice weather, but damn it was a beautiful day. And so that brings us to today, right now, writing this post. And I am so tired. Of everything. People in my family in particular, I just can't be fucked dealing with any of them to be honest. I've spent way too much time with them lately...

I actually shut myself in my room last night, not talking to anyone, and just sat listening to music and reading various yaoi (mostly of the smutty kind) for about five hours. Ehhh yaoi is so addicting and absorbing. It's hard to stop once you've started. I can't actually tell you the names of the series, because I read on Mangago, when I finish a series it comes up with a whole bunch of suggestions and I click on heaps and the cycle repeats and in the end I've forgotten what the first one I read was called. Plus, I read using Incognito mode on Chrome, so it's not saved to my history. Also, I'm not particularly bothered to remember the names. Most of the series I read are just one-shots or really short, so it's not worth remembering them, as I'll probably never reread them. If it's a series that I really like, that actually has some depth and isn't pure one-shot smut, then I'll take a note of it down somewhere. Not that I have anything against smut. I love smut. It's just unlikely that I'll read a one-shot again, you know? I could read Finder and Koisuru Boukun over and over again though. Well, the chapters that have been released so far, anyway. Speaking of released chapters, WTF WAS UP WITH THE LATEST CHAPTER OF FINDER?! We waited that long for a fucking 15-page story with no actual fucking? I was pissed. But then, I love the series and Yamane's work, so a slow, small chapter is better than no chapter.

And that's all I have to say. For now. I guess. Next post will probably just be a photo spam of what I did in the last month of 2012. Yaaaaay~

Now Playing - CIRCUS by ギルド (GUILD)

Mustache Cash Stash~!

Ooohhhhhhhh!
I love Regular Show. Not as much as Adventure Time. But it's still pretty fanfuckingtastic. Oh, Rigby just nipple pinched Mordecai. You know, if Mordecai actually had nipples, but he doesn't, because he's a bird.

You know what I really hate? Doing puzzles. That shit is stupid. Especially 1000 piece puzzles. NEVER AGAIN. I will not waste any more minutes of my life on puzzles. I know that you're supposed to feel a little challenged and then feel really pleased with yourself once you complete it, but I just felt frustrated and then exhausted. That's about five hours of my life that I'll never get back, and for what? To see the end result for like, a minute or two and then have to take it all apart and put it back in the box because it's taking up too much space on the table? No thank you, sir.

One of the books that I got out the other day, Library Wars, was so good! I'm really looking forward to reading more. Admittedly, it is super typically shoujo. But hey, what am I supposed to do. I'm a real shoujo junkie, and honestly, I love it. Oh, the other two were also good though! I'm so curious to find out who Riika ends up with. I feel like it will be Soshi, but then again, I think that would be too predictable. So I go back and fourth like, Oh it's totally going to be Soshi, wait no way it has to be Night~ I actually can't pick my favourite pairing right now. I guess it would have to be Riika and Night... Maybe. Oh well, I'll find out soon! Bakuman was pretty good. I'll be honest, it seems like it's going to be a little slow moving. But that might be good for me! Hopefully I'll finally have found a series that doesn't make me want to scream and cry and rip my hair out then curl up and slowly rock in the corner of my room. I mean, I do like all the feels that I get, but sometimes I get waaaay too involved in the story. I guess what I'm getting at here is that it may be more light reading for me. The art is wonderful, as expected of Takeshi Obata, and the story is pretty cute. So I also look forward to reading more of that. In other manga news, six of my requested books arrived at the library today! But I didn't feel like doing my hair and makeup and putting on real clothes today. Pajama party, all day erryday! I'll get them tomorrow.

Because if my painfully slow internet, I've been writing this post over the course of about four days. Sometimes I just couldn't be bothered waiting ten minutes for this page to load. I probably shouldn't have stopped writing though, because I'm in a considerably different mood than the mood I was in four days ago. I don't really know how to explain it, I've never been good at explaining how I'm feeling. It's like, when you go to the doctor and they ask you what you came to see them about, and you just look at your mother like, you explain. Actually, I guess it's not like that at all. Damn it, I don't even know what I'm saying. Basically, I just have been feeling really lonely. I don't actually think that 'lonely' is exactly the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it for now due to lack of a better word. I always knew that I don't really have that many friends, both real life and internet wise, but today I realised that outside of my home, there is only one person who I feel I can truly be myself around without worrying that I'll be judged. She makes up one of the only three people that I feel this way about. The other two live in the same house os me. And what's worse, two of the three people are leaving at the end of this year. They're exchange students from Japan, so they'll be going back home for good in December. I really don't know what I'll do when that happens. Also, I already knew this before, but damn, people change. I know change is an inevitable part of life and it's going to happen whether I like it or not, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. I don't deal with change very well, I guess... I really don't want to go back to school. I'm going to feel so isolated. There isn't a single person there who I feel I can trust enough to talk to them about anything and everything without being judged. I feel like I just have acquaintances. I wish I could make friends on the internet. You know, fellow fangirls and such. But I just don't know how. Maahhhhhhhhhh. I don't know. Hopefully I can sort out this feeling before Monday... or at least figure out how to be civil towards people without having to be social. I'm just sick of people right now.

In other news, I finally plucked up enough courage to get out a couple of yaoi manga from the library today! Eeeep, don't show my mother! She would have a heart attack if she saw what her sweet little daughter was reading... I got out two that I had already heard/seen a lot about, so it wouldn't be too shocking. I got The Tyrant Falls in Love by Hinako Takanaga, and Finder: Target in the Viewfinder by Ayano Yamane. Two series that I believe are quite popular (I could be wrong, I'm just a humble noob~!), and aren't too graphic but are still super sexy. I know, deep down in my soul I knew it all along, but reading them in actual book format just solidified the fact - I'm hooked. Addicted. It's all downhill from here. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I still feel a little unsure about being a yaoi fan, but I figured there was no point in trying to lie to myself anymore. I do feel like I'm looking at forbidden materials, like it's some kind of sin to be into this stuff... but I can't help it! I'm going to to my best to keep it a secret from everyone. Except my homestay student. She came with me to the library today, and she knows that I like BL (even though she says she isn't a fan, she has read a few slightly BL manga...). She doesn't judge me for it, and I'm so grateful. Although, she doesn't seem to know what exactly yaoi is, strangely enough, she is Japanese. So I haven't explained in great detail. I gave her a VERY vague description, a I'll let her learn the rest herself. I didn't want to have to explain it to her fully, because even though she is few months older than me, she's so cute and innocent! I didn't want to soil her purity... Oh, that could sound weird. I mean, I didn't want to be the one to educate her about... well... gay sex. Oh god, even I feel uncomfortable writing that! I'm going to be the worst yaoi fan ever...

I swear, if anyone I know in real life EVER reads this... I'm going to dig myself a hole and die of embarrassment...

I've actually been reading a lot more manga, mostly shoujo. I really want to talk about them, but this post is long enough as it is. Shit, man, this is turning into some kind of manga blog. I just don't really have much else going on in my life to write about, so manga it is! God I'm lame...

NP - Rasen by Crazy★shampoo