Dream Breaker~

Uh, last minute title is last minute. I hate having to put titles, but I hate not having one. Sigh. I've been listening to GOTCHAROCKA a lot lately. They're just so good buhuhu~

Anyway, it's been a while! A lot has happened since I posted last! Sort of... In comparison to what usually goes on in my life, it feels like a lot has happened. But then it probably isn't all that much. It certainly won't be very exciting. Sorry. I never got round to posting photos of stuff that happened last year, and now I can't really remember anything about it anyway. So I'll try and incorporate some photos into this post, because I take photos of pretty much anything and everything that happens to me. So yeah. I feel like this is gonna be a long post lol sorry not sorry.

Actually, it's not even January anymore. I've forgotten what happened in January too... Useless! The only thing I can remember, and the only thing with any importance, is that I FINALLY got a job. It's only one day a week at the moment but they said that they will be offering me more hours in the near future. So yeah, I'm super stoked about it! It's kinda freaky, cause it's my first job and it's in customer service, but I'm getting there! I'm trying really hard, because I want to keep this job. I like it, and I like the people. Please don't fire me~ I know I'm super awkward and a bit slow right now but I'll keep trying!

Ahh, so other than that all that happened in January was pretty much just getting new clothes and going out places and eating good food. I haven't had any new music this year, but I ordered some from CDJapan yesterday, so looking forward to that. I guess I'll just fill the rest of this post with photos of random junk yeah? Ah, just so you know, there are gonna be some crappily edited photos of people here, because I don't want to show their faces without their permission. Sorry not sorry. Stop saying that.

This actually happened in December. We went to the zoo. 'We' was actually a lot of people, too many people for me to be bothered explaining. But there's me looking mega-derp.

This also happened in December. Idk what we did that day. But have a photo of it anyway. Wahh I miss her~ ; 3 ;

I made my second order from Rakuten in early January. The seller shipped internationally, so I didn't need a shopping service. I love World Wide Love, but to buy new is so expensive These were both second hand, and the prices were really good. About $30 NZD each. Plus they're in great condition! I love them~

This was also early January I think... I was feeling super tired and lazy one day, so I went out without wearing my wig or any makeup. I was just going out to lunch with my mum, but I felt so weird... I like this outfit though. I gotta wear it again, but with the rest.

We went to the city. I finally wore my WWL top, and it was awesome. It's so oversized I love it.

Actually, that was the day that I found a legit Candy Stripper shirt in this random Asian clothes store~ Of course, I bought it. 

Then I got my new babies. Unfortunately, I only got to wear them for one day, and had to send them back, because they were already falling apart after a few hours of wear! CDJapan was super cool about it though, and my replacement pair will be shipped to me soon. Love CDJapan <3 p="">

Went to the city again (I did that a lot last month)

Yes, we always take photos in bathroom mirrors. 

Have a derp face. You love it. 

This is the Candy Stripper shirt that I found! It has a cat on it mudafuckas. It's the best shirt ever and it's mine sorry not sorry. And my shoes. I want my new ones to get here soon because they are so beautiful crycry.

Got new Listen Flavor stuff too, cause it was on sale lol forever cheap. I haven't had the chance to wear the purple one yet because it's been soooo hot here, but I forced myself to wear the other one the day I got it.

City. Again. I wore my newish Yaponskii skirt! The picture is crap so you can't see it in all it's awesome. I also got this skirt second hand, from Closet Child. It was also only about $30 NZD. At that price, I HAD to buy it. Considering I wanted it when it was newly released but it was like 10,000+ yen omfg. 

And yeah, that's the same mirror. We always go here ok. It's cool. It's like a mall, but not many people know about it, and it's just full of Chinese/Korean/Japanese clothes/shoes/makeup/random stores. There's this really amazing Japanese makeup shop there that have an amazing wall of fake eyelashes and I die every time I go in there. 

Oh! This was also the day that we went to this thing about Japanese characters that was organized by the university or something. I wasn't expecting much though, and I was right. It was pretty much just a bunch of Hello Kitty. There were some pretty interesting characters too, but overall it was pretty limited. They had some anime characters and figures and stuff, but again it wasn't anything special. They tried!

This guy was cool though. I admit I had never seen/heard of him before. I can't actually remember what he is either my bad.

Idk why these guys were on the wall, but I'm not complaining. School guys so coooool~

This dude was creepy as shit though.

Sort of big Gundam. Or something. Idk I don't watch mecha anime ok.

They broke the exhibit down into decades. It started at 1950's or 60's I think. 

Dis old guy so cute with his chara mug~

And then a couple of days ago I went out with a different (lol my only other) friend, and we actually went somewhere other than the city. She's so pretty and cute and stuff and she makes me feel like a giant tard. But I lover her anyway. 

Wow sorry that was a lot. Actually, I have a lot more photos, but I'm so lazyyyyy. Plus I think there's already too many... Other than this, I've just been watching a lot of Adventure Time and Regular Show. I'm 100% up to date with them, too. Achievement unlocked! Also played lot's of Sims 3, because I finally got some more expansions. Supernatural, Generations and Showtime. I still need Seasons though. I'm not really fussed about the Stuff ones... Can't wait for University though! Gonna be great. I requested a tonne of manga from the library, so once they all get here I'm gonna go turbo-nerd. Yeah, I got some yaoi too hohoho don't judge me. Oh yeah, and I've been working. That's pretty much it. 

Right now, I'm trying to decide if I should spend almost $100 on a wig. And honestly, I'm leaning towards HELL YES. It's beautiful. My white one is really crappy, so it's starting to fall apart.

Oh, and I said, I ordered some music and stuff yesterday! Buuuut I'll talk about that next time. Actually, maybe I'll make my next post entirely about music, old and new. Yay!

Ehhh it looks like another badly written post. I guess I'll never get better. Whatever. 

Now Playing - Samurai dreeeeeam breaker by GOTCHAROCKA

Boiling Point

I'm feeling kind of down about myself at the moment. I feel like I'm always going to be this plain, boring nobody. Everyone on the internet is so good at fashion and then I'm just here like umm I have this sweater which is kind of cool and sometimes my eyeliner turns out semi-okay. Or they're really great at crafting and making things, or art or music. Or all of the above. Ahh, I dunno. I'm being an idiot. It's probably because I was blog-hoping on Tumblr, and there are so many beautiful, fashionable and creative people on there. I just wish that I could be one of them. I wish that there was something about me that was special. But I came to accept a long time ago now that I'm average, and that I'll probably just be average for the rest of my life. Honestly, my fashion choices aren't entirely my own. I just copy everyone else's ideas, follow whatever the people who I think are cool are doing, and even then I don't do a very good job of it and end up looking like a twat. It's not that I don't actually want to wear the things that such people do, because I honestly do and I would love to be able to pull it off, but I just don't have the means. That, or my outfits are half-baked. They always end up being just really average, even though I try really hard to make them nice. But in the end, it's not entirely my own personal style. I don't like that. I want to be able to come up with things that are unique, things that are special to me. I try, but like I said, I don't have the means. I can't just go and buy whatever I want, and I definitely can't make it myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my clothes and I love to wear them, but still... I can't seem to shake this feeling. I seem to like to tell myself that eventually, if I buy a whole bunch of clothes and things that are cool, then I'll be fine. I don't have a job, and finding a part-time job as a teenager in my country isn't exactly easy, and I'm really lousy at anything to do with crafts. I hate that I have to mooch off my parents for everything, but I don't have any other option. I've applied for jobs before, yes, but I never got any of them. I recently sent in an application to a store called The Warehouse, which is essentially my country's equivalent of Walmart. That's how desperate I'm getting. I hate the feeling that I haven't truly earned anything I own, that it was my parents hard work that put all my clothes in my closet. And to be honest, writing all this doesn't help at all. It just makes me feel even more shit. I'm such a lousy person. All I ever do is complain. There are so many people who have it much worse than me, yet I'm daring to sit here and whine about pointless shit. So what if I don't always like myself. It's probably just teenage insecurities. I'm happy enough, for the most part, right? I have a great life, with wonderful family and a nice home and I'm getting a good education. So why the fuck do I think it's ok to not like myself? It's not even that big of a deal. When you get right down to it, all it is, is me looking in the mirror and going, wow you're ugly inside and out huh you try so hard to be cool but none of your ideas are your own you hypocrite, and walking away. Most of the time, I just ignore the feeling, I accept it, and I move on. That's what irritates me the most. I'm so lucky, yet I still find something to be unhappy like this about, for no good reason. I feel like such a pathetic douchebag right now. I feel so crap, I wasn't even going to post this, but then I remembered... Hey, who gives a fuck, it's not like anyone reads your shit anyway.

I'm sorry. Really. That escalated quickly. I didn't intend for it to end up quite so... well, you know. But, I've always made a point my policy when it comes to blogging - backspace doesn't exist unless for grammatical errors. Whatever I type, stays. Because it's my blog. My feelings. My rants, and my rambles. It's just really late where I live right now, and I've been running on six hours of sleep for the past eighteen hours. I tend to get more angry with myself when I get tired. I'm not usually like this. I mean, I've always been a very self conscious person, but I'm actually pretty ok with it usually. It's just times like this when my brain stops working the way it should. But I guess, if I was able to spill my guts and write that much, then I really needed to write it down. It's like, I had been keeping all these thoughts shut away. I didn't want to acknowledge them, I didn't want to accept them. Like I said, feeling this way makes me feel bad. I'm so grateful for everything in my life, and so I feel like I don't deserve to be upset about something as small as my fashion choices or appearance. That's all. So I try to push the feelings away. I suppose that's not the most healthy thing to do though. Because it leads to these weird little outbursts of anger. That's what a blog is supposed to be for right? Getting all your feelings down. Lifting weight of peoples' shoulders. So from now on, I'm not going to keep my feelings shut away inside until I reach my boiling point. I'm going to do my best to let it out in a calm and constructive way, through this blog. My blog. And actually, I do feel a lot better now. I know the feelings will come back every now and again, they always do, but I'm going to try and handle them better.

Ugh, another thing I don't like about these weird outbursts is that I'm not able to say properly what it is I want to say. I don't think before I type, I just type whatever. Sometimes, it's okay, but in some cases I feel that what I've written can be easily misunderstood or misinterpreted. But then, I can't actually think of how else to say it. So I'll leave it. And it doesn't flow very well at all! Usually I try to give my posts a nice flow, from one point to the next. Boooo.

Ahh, I feel like my usual self now, so I'm thankful. Glad I was able to get this off my chest. But I'm also feeling really fucking tired. So it think it's about time I got to bed. I know I said in my last post that my next post would be in a couple of days, but I clearly needed to get this off my chest now. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep. So, if you're interested, please still expect a more normal post from me in a couple of days!

I'm listening to my sleepy/calm music playlist right now huhuhu~

NP - Hirogaru Sekai by Golden Bomber 

Tonight Tonight

Listening to Golden Bomber always puts me in a good mood. So does watching videos of them on YouTube. They're all so fucking weird. Of course, Kenji is probably the weirdest, followed closely by Kirisho. Man, they're a great bunch. <3

I really, really hate not having a job. Or I just hate not having money. It seems like lately it's been release after new release, for so many bands that I love. New albums from Piko, Zuck, ACE, PIECE, Paradeis, BugLug. Singles from GALEYD, GOTCHAROCKA, Vistlip, SID, Mix Speaker's,Inc., and again BugLug. Live DVDs from SuG and LM.C, plus CDJapan has more of Golden Bombers Golden Best Type B, which I really wanted. I'm so upset, because I know that there is no way I'm going to be able to buy all of them. I'm only going to be able to get like, two or three, so I have to choose. I don't wanna chooooose! I can't do eeeht. Also, I don't just want music. I'm desperately in need of a wardrobe update. And I have a stunning lack of accessories and shit. Some of the stores that I want this stuff from don't ship internationally, so I'd have to pay the special request fee on CDJapan. On top of all that, whatever I buy, there is going to be a shipping charge, which is always expensive. Holy shit. Excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in ice cream.

I really love pineapple. But only in a can. Is that weird? I guess so.

It's getting really cold where I live, because it's almost winter. June-August are the wintery months here, and I'm really looking forward to it. I hate summer, I hate the sun. I don't have any summer style clothes either, all my stuff is more suited to winter weather. WHOA, step back! Did you see that alliteration? Completely unintentional, I swear. Anyway, winter. I'm excited. Bring on the rain.

Lalala, sorry. This was a boring one. I just felt like having a vent/cry about how I want to buy all the things but at the moments I can't buy any of the things. Mla. ;___;

NP - Ai Nante Iraneiyo by Golden Bomber